more silly verse

this is the story behind the poem Haircut I was stood in front of my lovely year four class one friday afternoon trying to get a quiet five minutes in before the leaving bell when Aaron pipes up, "you're a hippy sir!" "Excuse me, Aaron ,did you have something to say , is it at all relevant to the poem I am attempting to read , well that was , until you rudely interupted" That will shut him up I thought , an excellent teacher retort fired across the deck and firmly placed over his open mouth, no such luck , Aaron was on a roll and was not about to let go of this one, after all there was little punishment I could administer at such a late time in the day , and week even. "Yeah , you have got hair in your collar , my gran said thats a sure sign of hippiness" Well, as much as your dear grandmother may scorn upon hair of a certain length ,I hardly think it is any of your business really , perhaps you would like to sit in the thinking chair and consider the rudeness of your remarks " I said as I pointed towards the lone bright red chair in the corner of the room.Ah , that seemed to work, a few muttered sounds and a bit of fidgeting and Aaron returned to his previous empty gaze and nose picking posture. Ten minutes later and the class was empty, chairs up and lights off,as I got in my car for the long drive home I caught site of my hair and the collar it was indeed touching, trust Aaron to be right, mores the pity he didn;'t bring his acute powers of observation to his written work. So I decided it was off to June's , that wonderful place of tea and digestive biscuits to have a trim.Always a pleasure , the antithesis of the dental appointment , a half hour in the company of June and her team of smiling hairdressers would be a lovely way to end a rather fraught week of assessment and dull staff meetings where I said little, after all there were many louder trumpets than myself in the windy middle management section , all too pleased to blow long and hard.The engaging chatter of the lovely ladies at June's would be a welcome diversion. Another twenty minutes on found me staring into the locked and darkened premises of June's Unisex Haier Salon, dryers silent and scissors placed neatly on gleaming sides.The hand wriitten note taped to the window told the reason,"Closed for redecoration ,we are sorry for any inconvenience caused" Oh no , I had been coming here even before I had begun to dream of facial hair and hairy legs, not that June had anything to do with any hair other than that sprouting from my head and now dangling rather untidedly on to my collar.No port in a time of need , it seemed some foriegn place might be my only option. Just around the corner ,I recollected there was a gent's barber shop, small and unadorned as I remember , no well thumbed ladies mags or nice cup of tea in there, I bet.Iwas right , as I entered there was asingle coat hook screwed to the custard coloured wall , so different from June's fancy hat and coat stand and lovely floral wall paper , oh I did hope she would not be upgrading those two items.Two hard and ladder back chairs completed this apalling lack of comfort and hospitality, no snug rug and soft chairs here.No conversation either it seemed with just the one barber's chair ,a hidious brown leather contraption adorned with leavers and assorted foot pumps.It brought to mind a condemned mans cell, and reflected how I was beginning to feel. The short form of the barber was sweeping away the hairy remnants of the previous customer his back to me as he stoooped over the stacked bin. He turned towards me ,"What may I do for sir" He fixed me with his gaze just as I was about t turn heel and leave, guilty at my intention ,I replied , "Well , a hair cut would be nice" "Please do be seated ", he shook and waffled a gown that looked awfully like batman's cape and craned his neck towards the waiting chair.I stepped in , or should I say up onto the gleaming leather and chrome monstrosity that seemed rather excessive after June's comfortable armchairs.The gown or cape was fixed deftly around my neck and floated down to cover me entirely , only my head was visible in the mirror directly in front of me.Then there came a wheezing of pneumatics and the chair jerked and tumbled into a position he deemed suitable , all with flicks of leavers and footplates expertly administered. His head seemed suspended above and behind me so small was his frame , his boney hands rose and teased a few dangling locks of hair , "I see its sitting on your collar, not a moment too soon , you can tell a lot about a man by the cut of his hair", I wondered whether perhaps he was related to Aaron, they shared the same empty gaze , I would have to wait to see if he was a nose picker too! "So , what will it be then sir", "As I said , a trim " I replied , "Ah yes , but what grade would sir be requiring" Now he was getting technical ,grades,what was he on about , June just snipped away with the scissors and it looked great every time, there were never any grades mentioned , weren't they for tests and exams?Now , I am a teacher and there was no way I was going to admit my ignorance on matters of blokedom that fifteen years of visits to what was basically a ladies hair dressers had left me unknowing of."Well that depends entirely upon which grades you have of course , another excellent teacher retort across the decks , just hand it back to them , works every time.... I don't think he noticed the slight trace of panic i my voice."Just the usual sir",he said smugly, "Well do refresh my memory , I have had a hard week", "1,2,3,4,5 and of course 6", he pronounced with a relish.Great , I have numbers to play with, should make it easier I thought ,Obviuosly they relate to length of hair, six shortest ,one longest , or was it the other way around.No way was I going to ask him, one was bound to be the longest , any fool could tell that , if I want for number two it wouldn't be too drastic a cut."Two please, if you would"I belted out confidently, that shut him up.It shut me up too when he took the first swathe of hair out with his electrical trimmer, so two was the second shortest then , I thought as my hair literally fell away before my eyes. I can't say I was too pleased with the result but once again I was not going to let on my ignorance , I kept a neutral expression and put it down to experience. "Would sir like to see the back".he asked as he brushed the stray hairs off of my shoulders.More technology, has he got a camera and video link hidden in the chair? "How you going to do that then ?", "With ease sir ", he replied as he held a hand mirror behind my head giving me a generous view of the nape of my neck in the mirror in front of me."What are they?", I cried with panic on observing three horozontal creases across the back of my head now lying exposed under scant cover of grade two hair," Jst wrinkles sir , we all get them as we advance in years , much like the wrinkles on your face" , he said knowingly, "Yes, but the ones on my face came gradually , they didn't leap frog on me all in one go!". "Nor did these sir, they've been there some time I am sure".Well thank you mr knowitall barber man , possessor of arcane knowledger and devoid of all wit or humour, shall I poke out your eyes now or merely throw you to the floor until you submit I thought as I stood and reached into my pocket to actually pay for this hairless humiliation. All I can say is thank you Aaron for making a stranger of me to my cat , a laughing stock and joke my children and of course giving me a reason to enter the old fashioned hatiers just around the corner so much sooner than I had planned, next time I will lower my collar!